Alyssa
Growing up as a young girl, I always questioned what it meat to love someone—the one love I saw was from the abuse my mother faced from my father (both physical and emotional). It took me until a few years ago (I’m almost 25) to know what it looks like to fully love someone. To not hold grudges or be passive aggressive, but instead be open and communicate without hostility, without verbal abuse.
During this time of my life when the only love I saw was from my parents’ abuse, I was also sexually assaulted by my step brother. My parents were too preoccupied with themselves to see the struggle and trauma he put me through. He told me if I ever told anyone, he would k*ll me and hurt me like how my dad hurt my mom. I didn’t process this until a couple years ago—I tried pushing it down for months and months, eventually my body physically couldn’t take it anymore.
My family had an Easter get together and my step brother was there. I physically felt ill, as now I could finally process what had happened to me when I was young—my best guest is that I was about 6 years old, but honestly most of my childhood is a blur. On that Easter day, I immediately left the next day because I felt so disgusting. My family was shocked by my behavior because I was so distant and “off”.
Eventually I told my family and instead of support, I got silenced. To this day, I still have not had an in-person conversation with my family. I told my family they had to pick between having a relationship with him or I—most of them picked him and I have had to cut off most my family. My parents (mother and step father) are the only ones who say they don’t communicate with him. My main concern is my little sister, if he were to ever think about touching her, I’d definitely end up in jail.
All these experiences have been mentally transformative for me and extremely hard—however, I have been in therapy since April 2024 and have been doing group therapy. I realized the importance of using your voice and sharing your story.
Being a woman is HARD!!!
